Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
