I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
