haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
