my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
