"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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