My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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