i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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