And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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