She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
