Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
