I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
