he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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