What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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