You're completely useless in the revolution.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
