its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My bed smells like the plague
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
