Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
