I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
