I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
