Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
