I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
