u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
