Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
