And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
