the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
