I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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