Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
