I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
