I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
