you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
