If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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