i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
