Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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