but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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