I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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