here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
