I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
