Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
