NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
