end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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