I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
