Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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