grandma shit on top of the toilet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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