I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
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and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok