Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
