great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.