woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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