Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.