So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
