i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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