Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
