This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
