My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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