I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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