Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm both gender and math confused
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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