The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
