I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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