I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
