what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
