Swine flu. Run for my life!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
