i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
