I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
