this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
