The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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