first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
