I wanna bring you to show and tell
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
