New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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