I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
