through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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