my mouth tastes like poor choices
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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