probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
